Day 11

Genesis 24:1-67

Abraham was getting old and nearing his death.  But Isaac had still to find a wife and Abraham was worried for him.  He did not want his son marrying one of the women of the land that they were living in.  So he called to his most trusted servant and said “I have an important task for you.  I want you to make an unbreakable promise that you will NOT let my son marry any of the women of this land.  Travel instead to the country we come from and my own relatives and find a wife for him there.”

The servant said “but what if this wife will not come back to this country with us?  Do I then take your son back to your country to get him married?”

“NO  No.  Anything but that,” was Abraham’s wheezed reply.  “God has promised me THIS land.  The angel of the lord will lead you to my son’s future wife, if she will not returned then you are released from this unbreakable promise.  But whatever you do don’t take Isaac back there.

So the servant made an unbreakable promise and prepared for the journey, taking ten camels and gifts to give to the woman’s family.

He made his way to the town of Nahor (it is his family that was mentioned yesterday.)  As he reached the town he knew he had to somehow find which woman should be Isaacs wife, so he prayed and said “God of my master Abraham, please allow me to find a wife for Isaac. I’m standing by a stream.  When the girls come out to collect water I will ask them for a drink of water.  Let the one you have chosen to be Isaac’s wife say “Have a drink and I will also water all TEN of your camels for you too.”

Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out carrying the jar she had to fill on her shoulder.  She was the daughter of Abraham’s brother, Nahor.  She was amazingly beautiful.  Stunningly pretty.  AND she was a virgin – no man had ever slept with her.  She filled up the jar at the spring and started to walk back.  The servant went to meet her and he said (as he’d said to God he would): “Please give me a drink.”  And she lowered the jar and offered it to him. 

As he finished she looked at all his camels and said: “I’ll get water for your camels too until they have finished drinking.”  She put the water in the trough and ran back to the well to draw more water.  She got enough to water all the camels.

The servant watched all this without saying a word, but he watched carefully to see whether god had made his journey to find Isaac a wife successful. 

When Rebekah had finished he took some of Abraham’s gold and said “Who are your parents?  Please tell me, could your father have enough room in his house to let me sleep there for a night?”

Rebekah said “I am the daughter of Nahor.”  Then she added “We have plenty of straw and food and enough room for you to stay the night.”

The man was amazed so he bowed down to God and worshipped his master’s God.  He said “Let Abraham’s God be praised.  For that God is still kind and faithful to my master.  I have come to the house of my master’s relatives!”

Rebekah, hearing this, ran to her mother, leaving the man out on the streets.  Her brother was at home too and when he heard Rebekah’s story he rushed out to see this servant for himself.  The man’s name was Laban and he comes up later in our story.  He found the servant and said “You are blessed by God!  But why do you stand here?  The house is prepared for the camels!”

They went to the house and unloaded the camels.  Straw and food were brought for the camels and water for the servant and those who travelled with him to wash their feet (as was custom)  then a meal was brought, but the servant said “I will not eat until I tell you of everything that has happened!”

“So go ahead and tell us!” said Laban.  So the servant told them everything.  He ended his tale by saying “Please do my master a great kindness by doing this, but if you choose not to then at least tell me which direction I need to travel in to get back to my master.

But Laban said “This is definitely from God.  No doubt.  And so we can’t say no.  Here is Rebekah.  Take her and go, let her become Isaac’s wife as the Lord has shown should happen.”

The servant heard this and he bowed low.  He brought out all the gifts Abraham had given him and gave them to Rebekah and to her mother and to Laban.  Then they ate together.

In the morning the servant was keen to get going back to his master.  But Laban and Rebekah’s mother said “Let Rebekah stay with us for ten days (you can’t expect us to not have a chance to say a good farewell)”  But the servant said: “you’re not thinking of actually keeping me here are you?  God has made everything happen that is right so far.  Let me go back to my master.”  Then Laban and Rebekah’s mother said “Let’s ask Rebekah what she wants”  So they called Rebekah and asked he “Will you go with this man?”

“I will.” 

So they sent Rebekah with the servant and they blessed Rebekah by saying “May you have many children and may all your children be successful in everything they do.”

Back with Abraham Isaac went out one day to the fields to meditate.  He saw the procession of camels returning. Rebakah looked up from the camel sand saw Isaac

“Who is he?2 she asked

“That’s Isaac” said the servant.  So Rebekah put a veil over her face as was custom for the bride to do before the wedding night.

When they reached Isaac the servant told him of everything that had happened and Isaac took Rebekah and gave her his mother’s old tent to sleep in.  After a few days they were married and she became his wife and Isaac was comforted, for he was still upset about his mother’s death.

Matthew 9:14-38

John the Baptist had baptised Jesus quite some time ago.  He had said to everyone: this is the messiah, the one you’ve been waiting for.  John had his own disciples who followed him around and tried to be like him.  One day some fo those disciples came up to Jesus and they said “Hey, Jesus.  We fast – yep, that’s right, we go without food to show our commitment to God and become holier.  How come that your disciples don’t do this? (Basically: we think you’re not teaching them correctly).

Jesus probably looked at them, but then he spoke and he said “Isn’t it obvious?  How can the guests of the bridegroom MOURN and go without food?? Especially when he is with them.  However the time will come for my disciples when the bridegroom wil be taken from them.  Then they will fast.”  But he continued: “You do not patch up a hole in an old garment with a piece of new cloth.  Because the new cloth will shrink and it will rip away from the old garment and make the hole bigger.  And you would never put new wine into an old wineskin because if you do do that then the wineskin will burst.  However if you put the new wine into a new wineskin then you not only keep the wineskin but also the wine.”

And He might have gone on, but at that point an important man came and knelt before Jesus and said with tears, “Oh, Jesus, my daughter… my daughter has just… just died!  Please come and lay your hand on her, because if you do I KNOW she can live again.”  So Jesus got up and went with the important man.  His disciples went after him to try and do everything he did, for that was their task: to become like their teacher (Jesus). 

They were on their way when out of nowhere a woman in the crowd rushes up to Jesus.  This woman had been bleeding for twelve years!!  Because of this she was seen as being dirty and ungodly so all the people would not even touch her, because they believed that if they did touch her that they would become ungodly and dirty too.  She rushed up to Jesus and grabbed his cloak because she thought “if I can just touch his cloak then I WILL be healed.”  As soon as she touched his cloak Jesus turned around and looked right at her.  (At that point she was probably like: Oh dear, I’m ungodly and I’ve touched this person who is godly and who will become angry because, by touching him, I have made him ungodly.  He’s going to get me killed for this.”  But Jesus says “Take courage, woman.  Your faith that by touching my cloak you could be healed HAS healed you.”  And at that moment the woman was aware that the bleeding that had made her unclean, the bleeding which had been going on for TWELVE years… was completely stopped.

Jesus and his disciples continued on to the important man’s house.  Outside there were people playing the flute to mourn the passing of the dead girl.  There was also a crowd who were mourning the death.  Jesus said to them “Shoo!  Go away, will you and give us some peace.  And cheer up because the girl is NOT dead, but she is just asleep!”  But the crowd laughed at him (and it is quite clear to see why – it is obvious when someone is dead and when someone is just asleep.  They were probably thinking: we know when someone’s dead, alright? And that girl is as dead as they come!”  But they all go outside anyway as Jesus said to and when they were Jesus took the girl’s hand and she got up.  Back to life again :D  News of this went through the entire region!

After that Jesus continued on from the important man’s house.  From behind two blind men started following him and they called out “Messiah!  Messiah!  Have mercy on us!”  Jesus went inside somewhere and the blind men still came after him so he asked them: “I know what you want.  Do you believe that I can do this?” 

“We do!  We do!” replied the men

Jesus touched their eyes and said “You believed I could do it so it will be done.”  Their sight suddenly returned to them and they could see!  Before they could start rejoicing Jesus said in a stern voice “Tell no one about this!”  But the men went outside and immediately started spreading the new about him all over the region.(and can you blame them?  They’ve just stopped being blind!!)

As the blind men were leaving another man was being brought in.  He was possessed by a demon and he could not speak.  Jesus drove the demon out and suddenly the man could talk again!  The crowd was amazed and said “Never in all of the history of our country and all the wondrous things recorded in the Old Testament has anything like this EVER been seen!”  But the priests muttered “Ha!  Think that’s God?  The only reason Jesus can do all these things is because he is using the Devil’s power.  This isn’t God doing this, you are fooled by him, he is tricking you.  He is evil and possessed.”

Jesus travelled lots and he went into many synagogues (the equivalent of churches today) and preached at them.  He preached the good news of the kingdom and healed EVERY disease and sickness.  When he saw crowds he had the most amazing compassion for them because he knew that they were helpless to the power of the Roman empire and the iron rule of the priests who forced them into a twisted religion that had become something that it was never meant to be.  He also saw that they were like sheep just wandering around trying to live the best they could because they had no shepherd to look after them.

One time he said to his disciples: “The people who would listen to us and believe in the truth of God’s kingdom is plentiful – there are sooo many people.  But there are just so Few people who will actually go out and tell them about it and gather them to God.  So ask that God will provide more workers to help tell people about his Kingdom.”

Psalm 8:1-9

GOD!

You are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING absolutely EVERYWHERE.

Your glory is above the sky

You have appointed children and infants to give you praise

Because of your enemies –

 this will silence the enemy

whenever I think of the sky

Everything your hands made

The moon and stars

That YOU put into their place

I think: who are men that you even know of them?

Of what worth is your messiah that you actually care for him?

You made him less than angels

And THEN you crowned him with glory and honour

You made this messiah ruler over ALL the world

Everything obeys him

All the flocks and the herds

And the beasts that graze in the fields (like cows and sheep)

All the birds

And all the fish

GOD!

You are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING absolutely EVERYWHERE.

Day 10

Genesis 21:1-23:20

God had promised that Sarah would become pregnant and he kept his promise.  Isaac was born at the time that the angels (disguised as men – who went on to Sodom and rescued Lot) had said that he would be.  Eight days old and he was circumcised.  This was probably a lot easier for Isaac as he would be too young to ever remember the pain (if you have no idea what circumcision is that’s probably for the best).Oh and Abraham had had his 100^th birthday by this point.

Sarah laughed after she’d given birth and said “God has made me laugh! And you know what, everyone who hears this will laugh WITH me!” And she wiped the tears of laughter away from her eyes and said “Who would have thunk?  I have given my husband a son even though I am over ninety!”

The child grew and when it was finally weaned! Yay! This meant it was gonna live basically (or it seems likely that it had some significance) cos Abraham says “Ha! My son is weaned – lets have a feast!! Woo!  At this feast Sarah, now proudly with her child, Isaac, looked and saw Hagar (the Egyptian who was her slave girl, but also the one whom Sarah had told Abraham to sleep with so as to get him a son).  Hagar was now pretty annoyed because she knew that the son of Sarah would get better treatment than her son even though Abraham was the father of both because she was just a slave.  Well Sarah sees Hagar mocking the feast in Isaac’s name and so she turns nasty.

“Honey,” she might have called to Abraham.  “you see that slave woman and her son?” (She seems to forget that that son is also Abraham’s son.)  “Get rid of her will you, cos I will not have that son of hers ever get anything that Isaac should get.  Basically: when you die I want EVERYTHING to go to Isaac and not have it split between the two of them.  So send her and him away.”  Abraham is torn apart by this, because Ishmael (Hagar’s son) is also his son too and whatever happens, he still loves him and cares for him.  But then God shows up again and he says “You know what?  You’re over reacting.  You’re getting so distressed by this, but Sarah’s right – Isaac is the one who is going to get everything.  And anyway, you don’t need to worry that anything bad will happen to the servant and her son because I’ve already promised that I’ll make him into a mighty nation too.  And if you’ll just turn around for a sec Abraham you will see that little boy of yours by Sarah and you’ll remember that he was also one of my promises.  I keep my promises.”

So the next morning Abraham takes provisions and water and he gives them to Hagar.  He helps her lift them onto her back then sends her and Ishmael off into the desert of this place called Beersheba.  However a few waterskins of water (their equivalent of a bottle of water) isn’t much and soon in the heat of the desert her and the baby were dying from the lack of water.  In the end Hagar puts Ishmael down under a bush and walks a little way away, because she thought, “I can’t watch my son die.”

At the thought she began to cry and she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Ishmael was crying too because he was so hot and thirsty and tired.  God heard the BOY’S cries and an angel went to Hagar.  The angel looked at the scene (with the crying boy under the bush and his mother a little way off sobbing) and he said to Hagar “What’s the matter with you?”  Hagar looks up, sees the angel and she probably jumps out of her skin and screams because the next thing the angel says is “Woah! Hold on – you don’t need to be afraid.  And you know what? God has heard Ishmael’s cries.  So lift him up and take him by the hand for I will make him into a great nation.” 

Then Hagar does this and God opens her eyes and she sees a well of water… That’s almost a miracle – missing a well of water when you’re dying of thirst in the middle of a desert!  So she went and drank then filled the waterskins (bottles) up and gave some for Ishmael to drink too.  As Ishmael grew God was with him and Ishmael became an archer.  They continued to live in the desert and while they did his mum got him a wife from Egypt (she was Egyptian, presumably she had some young cousins or friends over there.)

At that time Abimelech (that’s the name of the King whom God almost killed for almost sleeping with Sarah yesterday) and the commander of his army (a guy named Phicol) came to Abraham and Abimelech (the King) said “God follows you round and when you ask him for something he does it.  So swear to me, make a promise you cannot break, that you will not use this to deal falsely with my descendents.  You don’t come from this country, so show my family as much kindness as I have to you by letting you stay here (you can see he might have forgotten how close he came to losing his life and how much he grovelled to Abraham afterwards.)

But Abraham is godly and says “I swear it, I make a promise I cannot break that I will show the same kindness.”  But then he  says, “But I have something to talk to you about: YOUR SERVANTS have stolen MY well, my source of water and continued well-living”

Abimelech dodges the accusation (that he, the King, had told his servants to do that) by saying: “I don’t know who did that!  You did not tell me, I’ve only just heard about it today.”

Abraham brought sheep and cattle to give to Abimelech because that was how they signed contracts in those days.  Then Abraham did something rather strange.  He took seven of his female sheep (ewes) and he set them apart from the rest of the flock.  Abimelech was confused so he asked “Er.. Abraham… what’s this all about?”  And Abraham replies “I’ve not forgotten your servants have stolen MY well – but I’ll give you these seven ewes if you’ll get your servant away and let me keep my well.”

 Abimelech looks at the sheep and he must have said “Deal.” because the next thing we know the place is being given a name because ‘an unbreakable promise was made there’.  After that Abimelech returns to his house along with the commander of his army and Abraham plants a tree and called upon the name of the Lord… why not?  Abraham stayed a long time at that place (the land of the Philistines.)

After a lot of time had passed God called out and said “Abraham!” And Abraham, just like a godly man answered: “Here I am.”  But this time God isn’t making promises.  He says to Abraham: “Isaac is a man now.  You love him.  He is your ONLY son.  Go to the place called Moriah and I’ll direct you to a hill.  Climb up the hill and sacrifice your SON to me…”  … Abraham is probably in shock.  God is asking to KILL the son that God had given to him.  There seems to be no sense in it.

But the next morning Abraham gets a donkey ready, he cuts enough wood to make the sacrifice, takes his son and tells him “We have a journey to make.  We go to sacrifice to the Lord.”  So they left and three days later Abraham can see the place that God has told him that Isaac is to be sacrificed.  They leave the donkey there with some nameless servants they had taken with them and Abraham puts the wood on Isaac.  Then the two of them headed off.  On the way up Isaac says “Dad…?”

“Yes MY son,” replies Abraham, and you get the sense he says it with a heavy heart for it is coming closer to the time when he, Abraham, would lift the knife and kill Isaac.

“But hey, there is nothing to sacrifice,” said Isaac.  “We have wood, we have all we need to make fire, but no lamb to sacrifice.”

“God is providing the sacrifice,” said Abraham and they kept walking.

At the top Abraham builds the altar and tells Isaac “Son.  God has said that you’re to be the sacrifice.”

Isaac must comply because he wasn’t bound.

Abraham looks to God.  Lifts up his hand.  And then…

“Abraham!”

“Er… yes God.  Now’s not really a good time… I’d like not to draw this out too much, it’s tearing my heart apart.”

“Don’t you dare kill him!” (You can imagine Abraham being like “What.. but you said.. you SAID!!!”.. or maybe he just broke down into tears and dropped the knife at the relief.)  “Now I know that you are willing to do WHATEVER I ask, even to kill your only son,” said God.  Then Abraham heard some bleating, looked up and saw that there was a lamb stuck in a thicket.. perfect to make the sacrifice with.  So he sacrificed the lamb instead of Isaac.  And the mountain was then called “on the mountain of the Lord it will be provided”.

Then  an angel of the Lord spoke for the Lord and said “God says that he makes an unbreakable promise upon himself (the strongest promise anyone can make) that because you would have killed Isaac to obey me I will bless you and make sure that your descendants number as many as the stars in the sky.  Everyone will be blessed because of your descendants.”

Then Abraham and Isaac returned home.

Abraham had a brother and he heard that his brother had married a woman called Milcah and had many sons, one of whom became the father of Rebekah.

Sarah lived until she was one hundred and twenty seven and then died.  Abraham went to the people who owned all the land and said “My wife is dead.  Sell me some land that I can bury her in.  The men he spoke to said “You’re a famous celebrity! Take the best tombs we have and none of us shall say ‘no’ to you.”  But Abraham said politely “If that is what you say  go speak to the man called Ephron cos he owns a cave where I would pick to bury my wife.  I will pay the full price for it.”

Ephron was there among the men and he spoke up and said “I’ll give it to you free!”  But Abraham insisted and paid the full amount for it.  Everything on the land was legally then Abraham’s and he buried Sarah in it.

Matthew 8:23-9:13

So Jesus and his disciples were all in a boat and were crossing a large lake (to get to the other side.)  but FROM NOWHERE a storm suddenly rose up with fierce winds and massive waves that went over the boat.  The disciples were wrestling with the boat to keep it upright.. but Jesus was sleeping… yes, SLEEPING!!!  Well the disciples go up to him and over the wind and rain and waves they shout “Lord!!!! Save us!! We’re going down!!!!!!!!! We’re going to die! We’re too young to die!!”

Jesus wakes up at this noise and, from the bottom of the boat looks up at the disciples who look completely scared out of their minds and he says “What’s up guys?  Why are you so afraid? Don’t you have ANY faith?”  Then he sighs when he sees they still look scared, picks himself up, looks over the sea and says “Alright, enough.  Stop!”  And it did…  The disciples stood there on the perfectly calm sea and their jaws dropped open.  “Woa” they said.  “This guy can tell the seas what to do!”

They got to the other side of the lake and got out.  There were two men who lived in the area that were possessed by demons.  They became so fierce that the local villagers wouldn’t go anywhere near them.  They came out from their homes in the tombs and headed straight at Jesus.

“Oi!” They shouted to attract his attention.  “What do you want?  You’re God’s son.  We know that.  But there is a time appointed when we’re to be tortured… have you come to torture us before that time?”  Jesus approaches them.  Their attitude changes “At least send us into those pgs that are over there,” they plead piteously.  Jesus looks at the pigs disdainfully and says “Go on then.  Shoo!”  So the demons left the men and went into the pigs.  The pigs promptly went and ran into a lake and drowned.

The people who had been looking after the pigs ran into the town and told everyone what had happened.  Then the town went and begged Jesus to leave the region they lived in.

So Jesus goes back to the boat, they all pile in again and they go back to the other side of the lake until they came to Jesus’ own town.  There some people brought a man who was completely paralysed.  Jesus looks at him and says “don’t worry mate… your sins are forgiven!”  Well that seems helpful for a paralysed man. 

In the crowd are some of the priests and they look at each other and thought, “how can anyone but God forgive someone’s sins?  That’s pretending to be God!  That’s a crime punishable by death!”  but Jesus knew their thoughts and so he said “Why do you think these evil things?  Is it easier to say that his sins are forgiven or to tell him to get up and walk?  Surely if I can do the harder one I can do the easier one right?  So I’ll prove that I can forgive his sins by telling him to get up and walk!  Get up and walk!”  The man suddenly got up.  the crowd began cheering wildly and were filled with amazement.  Then they praised God.

They moved along from there and Jesus saw a tax-collector (hated as were all tax colelctor’s by the people because they were Jews who enforced Roman laws.)  Jesus walks up to him and says “Follow me.  I think you’ve got what it takes to become like me.”  Understandably the tax-collector (called Matthew) gets up immediately and begins to follow Jesus.

They eat at Matthews house that night and there are many of Matthews fellow tax collectors and other ‘sinners’ eating with them.  They had a bit of a party.  So some priests come up to the disciples of Jesus and ask them “Why does Jesus party with sinners?”  jesus hears this though, comes over and says “Hey, the healthy don’t need a doctor.  I’m like the doctor, I go to those who are sick!  There is a verse in the Old Testament which says ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice’ – go learn what that REALLY means!  I’ve come for the sinners.” 

Psalm 7:10-17

God is my shield!

Those who act in a good way he saves!

God is a perfect judge,

He shows his anger every day

He sharpens his sword to cut flesh better. 

He will ebnd and string his bow to be more powerful

He IS preparing his weapons for war

His flaming arrows are ready to set fire to the world

Anyone who is giving birth to evil

Anyone who makes trouble makes people disillusioned

He who digs a hole to set a trap falls in it himself.

The trouble comes back like a boomerang

And hits him on the head

God is perfect so I will give thanks

I will sing him praises.

Day 9

Genesis 19:1-20:18

Its almost evening.  Just about time for dinner.

Two angels (disguised as men) come to Sodom (a large town and city that is extremely evil… as we’ll see). 

The nephew of Abraham (his name is Lot) who is sitting by the gate of the city, sees them and gets up to say hey…only to then get on his knees when he gets closer and bow down to them.  He says “Lords!!  Come stay at my house!”  But they say to him “No we’ll stay outside thanks.”  Lot insists sooooo much, however, that in the end they give in and go into his house.  There he feeds them and serves them.

Before they can get to bed the men from the city –  both young and old ­– come and stand around Lot’s house.  They’re like an angry mob cos they want Lot to throw the travellers (the ones who are angels) that he has in his house out of his house so that the peeps in the mob might have SEX with them! 

These guys were completely evil.

Lot wasn’t evil – few!  He goes outside and closes the door behind him to stop any peeps from getting in through the open door.  Then he speaks to the mob and says: “Hey!  Look I have two daughters who are virgins… have them and do ANYTHING you want with them, but leave these men alone cause I’ve taken them in and cared for them.

His offer is an amazing one… he’d give up his daughters virginity to protect these strangers whom he has fed and looked after!!!  At the same time it’s not a good thing to do either, but at the time there was no law.  Men were ignorant of what God condemned.

The mob doesn’t have any of it though…I mean, the choice is clear to them: two young virgins or two men.  Lol either Lot’s daughters were really ugly or the bible is showing us just how evil these guys are cos they choose the men!

But then things get cool.  The angels start acting like really cool angels (remember that they look like men but actually they’re nine-foot tall giants of spiritual light that could kill a human with a touch) 

They grab Lot and pull him back inside the house and lock the door just before the mob grab him.  Then, before the mob know anything, the angels (maybe by making a quick prayer? Or maybe with their own powers) make every single person in the mob completely blind!

Then they say to Lot: “Look, Lot, we’re actually angels (Lot’s probably like: no kidding) and God has sent us here to destroy the WHOLE CITY because it’s so evil.  But you’re good so you can take your family and run.  Get all your family and leave!”

Lot runs outside and speaks to the two men who were going to become his daughters’ husbands (they must’ve been feeling pretty annoyed cos Lot had been about to give their future wives to be raped by a whole group of other guys).  Anyway Lot says “the city is going to be destroyed – we’ve got to run!” but they don’t believe him; in fact they look at how big and great the city is and think that Lot is joking around with them.  (Why would they think that about him unless he made a lot of jokes… if he never joked then they would have been more likely to believe him maybe?)

The angels look to the east and see that dawn is coming so they come to Lot and say “Right. You need to leave NOW.  Take your wife and your daughters and run or you will be destroyed too.”

But Lot hesitates.  We don’t know why.  So the angels have to take charge AGAIN and they take Lot’s hand and lead him out of the city along with his wife and daughters.  God was merciful to them: he let them live.  Once they’re out of the city they say to Lot: “You’re out – now RUN!  Run for your life and whatever you do you MUST NOT look back and you MUST NOT stop where it is flat, you have to keep running until you get to the mountains.  You’ll be safe there.”

Lot looks at the mountains and his jaw drops open and he says “Woah!! Those mountains?  Really?  But that’s, like, all the way over there!  There is no way we can run all the way there!  Look there is a small town.  Look – right there.  Let me run to there, then you can keep me alive…?”

So He (God or the angels?? Bible doesn’t make it too clear) says “Alright I won’t destroy that town and I’ll wait until you’re safe before I destroy this city.  So reach it quickly because I NEED to destroy this place.”

Lot and his family run to the town.  They reach it and God makes rain of burning sulphur come down on Sodom and its neighbouring city of Gomorrah (which was just as evil).  And the cities are completely trashed into nothing along with all the plants and vegetation and stuff. 

Then Lot’s wife does a stupid thing.  She disobeys the angels and she looks back… uh oh.  Next thing Lot knows and the nice wife he’s been cuddling up to in bed each night  is now a pillar of salt… bet he did a double take… :O Can you imagine him? “is that… is that SALT!?!?!”  Maybe he took some and licked it. “Ergh. Yep.  That’s salt. Er… what do we do now?”  Well either they left her and when the next rain that wasn’t burning sulphur came it dissolved his poor wife OR he carried the pillar with him and sold it at the next market he came to… either way.

In the distance Abraham walks up a hill and looks over where Sodom and Gomorrah had been standing up until the day before.  He just sees loads of dense smoke rising up from the land. 

God remembers Abraham when he destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and THEREFORE he rescued Lot… sounds like if it hadn’t been for Abraham Lot would possibly still have had his wife a bit longer, but he’d have been dying a lot sooner.

After this Lot is pretty scared about remaining in the town, considering how close IT came to also being destroyed.  And so he moves to the mountains (presumably remembering that the angels had said he would be safe there) and he settles there with his two daughters.  They live in a cave together.  Probably fine with Lot: he’s had a wife.  Not so fine with the daughters who’ve been robbed of their husbands (remember those silly idiots who had thought that Lot was joking about Sodom being destroyed).  So the older daughter says to the younger “Hey, there’s no guy here but our dad and he’s old.  If we don’t do something drastic then our family is going to die out… so you know the genius plan they come up with?  Get their dad DRUNK then go and SLEEP with him… well works the first night.  The older daughter has sex with her dad (he must’ve been pretty drunk).  The next day the older sister is like “Right.  I’ve had my go.  Now it’s yours.”  So they get him drunk again and the younger daughter goes sleeps with him.  Not one of the nicest parts in the bible.

The babies they have are pretty cool though: one becomes the founder of the Moabites! (You’ll meet some Moabites in the rest of this story that is the bible) And the other bears a baby whose family becomes the Ammonites (other big people in the bible, usually enemies of Israel later on)  So wow!  Out of that small passage God allows the birth of two pretty MASSIVE nations… :O

Soon after that Abraham probably decides it’s a bit unsafe to remain around the land for much longer, or maybe there was so much smoke he got fed up of his clothes constantly stinking like smoke.(jk they probably had much worse smells than smoke in those days lol)  But whatever the reason he moves on into a new land.  And the King there meets with him.  But Abraham becomes afraid that the King is evil.  If the King was evil then he might kill Abraham and take Sarah as his own wife... though at this point she is ninety years old!!

So he tells the King that Sarah is his “sister”

Ah.  Only problem then is that the King thinks: ahh! Brilliant!  This ninety year old woman is unmarried!  That means I can have her :D :D So that’s what he does… he takes Sarah.

Oh thank goodness that God intervenes eh?  He sends the King a dream saying: “You are as good as dead because that woman you have there – she’s married.”

Now it was all God’s work but God had arranged that the King would not go near or even touch Sarah before he had been warned that she was married.  This dream from God –where he’s told he’s like a walking dead man freaks the King out quite a lot (not surprising really) and so he says to God: “Not my fault.  I mean the guy said that she was his sister!  How was I supposed to know?”

Now we see that God is fair, because his reply is “I know.  Why do you think you didn’t decide to sleep with her last night?  I made you decide against it!  That way you haven’t sinned against me.  BUT – now you know, so give her back to Abraham cos he’s a prophet and he’ll pray for you and you will live.  You can decide not to return her… but then you and your entire family will be killed.  Your choice.”

Those are the really simple choices lol.  The king gives Sarah back, and he’s probably sweating LOADS at this moment in time... He’s just been accosted and threatened by some invisible God he has never heard of before!  For all he knows the God might suddenly decide to turn him into a pile of dust or something.  So he gets Sarah back to Abraham, relaxes and then is like: “Why????”

Abraham is really manly here and says: “I was afraid you’d kill me… anyway, she is my sister – we’re just…. married as well…”

Well the King is probably like: “oh, fair enough, I probably WOULD have killed you (lol, I can laugh about it now.)”  Then he says to Abraham “Well have lots and lots of money (in the shape of sheep and goats and such animals) Oh and you can live anywhere in my land that you want – no problem.”  Then he says to Sarah “Er.. look, sorry bout the confusion, but I’ve paid your brother LOADS of money so everything’s sorted now.”  Then Abraham prays for the King and suddenly all the women in the King’s family start popping out babies.. well I guess they didn’t start popping out.  But they could suddenly have babies, it seems like they had become barren just as Sarah was because Sarah had been taken by the King.

Matthew 7:24-8:22 

Jesus then said…

“Right, everyone who listens to these words AND does what they say to do is like a wise man who builds his house with planning permission.  The solicitors and the lawyers came but they could find no way to get it knocked down.  HOWEVER if you hear these words and DO NOT do what they say to do it’s like you’ve built a house without building permission.  The solicitors and the lawyers come and that house is coming down just as soon as they can hire a wrecking ball or a demolition crew – right away.”

The crowd heard all of Jesus’ teachings and they were like “Wow.  That’s pretty cool.  He teaches like he actually knows what he’s talking about… not like those other people who try teaching us.”

Now Jesus had been talking on a mountain and when he came down the crowds followed him.  Then a man with a disease that was incurable came up to him – the crowds parted pretty quickly.  The man came and knelt before Jesus and says “You!  You are Lord.  If YOU are only willing to heal me then I can be healed!” …Jesus doesn’t even seem to flinch!!  He reaches out to the man and TOUCHES him (oh, this is BEFORE he has healed the man.)  Then he says “Yea, I’m willing.  Be healed!”  And immediately the crowd watch as the visible sign of the disease leave the man and he is completely healed.  Jesus says to him “Don’t tell anyone.  Just go and show yourself to one of the doctor/priests who can confirm that you are, in fact, healed.  Then give a gift to God as the Law says that you should.

Jesus comes then to a town called Capernaum.  A ROMAN >:( centurion comes to him and says.  “Look, Jesus, my servant is lying at home.  He can’t move at all and is in loads of pain.”  Jesus looks at him in a way that says ‘what have we here?’ then he says “I’ll come and heal your servant for you.”  But the centurion says “oh no! No, no.  I’m a roman, you shouldn’t come into my house – we both know that’s not done.  But just say the word and I KNOW my servant will be healed.  For I command soldiers and they do exactly what I tell them to.  It is similar to you.  You have authority so when you tell sickness to leave – It WILL leave.

Jesus is looking at the man at this point with WONDER!   He was actually astonished by this faith.  He turned to his disciples and said “ You think that you in Israel – the chosen nation – have faith.  This ROMAN who isn’t even a Jew has more faith than anyone in Israel.  Is everyone listening? Good hear this: people are gonna come from the east and the west.  They will feast with your ancestors (the ones whom you DREAM of eating with in heaven) and they will eat with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the Kingdom of Heaven.  But people from the kingdom will be thrown out into the darkness where there will be hell!  Then Jesus turned to the centurion and said “Go.  It will be done as you believed it would.”  The servant was healed that very hour.

They travelled to Peter’s house.  Jesus entered and saw Peter’s mother-in-law (yes, Peter had a wife and probably kids.)  She was in bed with a fever.  Ooooo.  Not good.  But no problem for Jesus – he touched her hand and she got up and gets them a meal!  That’s dedication!

Then in Jesus’ evening the people brought lots of demon-possessed people and he drove out the spirits with a word and he healed ALL the sick.  And all this fulfil a prophesy about the messiah which says “He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases.”

Jesus attracted crowds and he saw this so he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake.  Then one of the teachers of Law (like a pastor) came up to Jesus and said “Teacher!  I will go WHEREVER you go!”

Jesus looked at him and replied: “foxes live in holes.  Birds have nests.  But me, the Son of Man, has nowhere to lay his head.  In effect: I’m homeless.”

Another disciple called out “Lord.  Let me just go bury my father first.  But Jesus said “Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead!”  Basically: “We both know that we still actually need to wait for your father to die before you can bury him.  Come with me and have life: let those who are spiritually dead bury their own dead.”

Psalm 7:1-9 

God my refuge is You

You protect me, yes you do

They would try and bomb me

To tear me into pieces – see?

God, if this is me

If my hands are guilty

If I’ve hurt my friends

Aimed for my own ends

Then let bully’s beat me

And get away scott free

So I want to pay death’s fee

Get up and rage God!

And break the bully’s rod!

Awake and even all!

Gather everyone to your hall,

And then to be their King!

Judge them of their sin!

But Judge me of my goodness,

And of my holiness,

O, righteous Lord,

Who knows the minds and hearts of frauds:

Bring an end to this fight –

Make all things right.